Just a List

Here are a few of the new things you are doing lately...

Slithering backwards down the stairs
Laying your head on my shoulder after you finish your bottle before you go to bed (thank you)
Letting go of things and standing for a few seconds
Loving babies, kids and dogs
Waving
Hugging (oh how I love this one)
Eating--not really a new thing, but you do it in a new way. You eat pretty much what I eat (minus the chocolate, maybe I should follow your example on that one)

And after a few rough days (see previous post), you seem to have returned to your sweet self. You are still stubborn and want to do everything yourself. You are still intense and constantly in motion. I still have to chase you to change your diaper (although at least these days you usually lie still until I at least get you wiped off-huge improvement).

But you are so vibrant and full of curiosity and joy. It makes me want to see the world like you do.

Hey. Where'd you go?

I think you're hiding. But I don't know where and I'm ready for you to come out now.

Over the last few days, while my smiley happy boy has been hiding and playing a trick on me, a little monster moved into my house.

He cries a lot. He wakes up crying sometimes.
I didn't know baby guys did that. I thought wake up time was happy, smiley, I love you Mommy time.

He whines a lot. He keeps his mouth closed tight (like maybe he's getting new teeth in the back?), and he says, "Mmmm, mmmm, mm, mm, mm, mm." And bounces at the same time.
I think he's demanding something. Though I'm not sure what.

He get's tired early. The other day I got home from my class at 6:30 and he had been asleep for half and hour! That was when Dad told me he'd come for a visit. I wanted to play with him anyway, but no such luck for me.

He's still pretty cute and I love him too, but I have to say that I miss you and hope you come back soon. I'm getting a little worn out and could use a squeeze.

Mother's Day 1

You're sleeping. Again.

That's usually when I write, because if I wrote when you were awake you'd climb something, or eat something, or explore something, or attempt something while I was distracted.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. My first. Because of you.

I'm so glad it's you. I'm glad that you have a smile for every stranger and face you meet. I'm glad that you laugh and talk with such delight to anyone who will take a moment to talk and laugh back. I'm glad you love exploring and moving. I'm glad you are starting to tell me what you need and what you like and how you like it. I'm glad you love babies and kids, there will hopefully be many more in this family. I'm glad you love the water. I'm glad you love music. I'm glad that you seem glad to be alive.

You make my life so rich and beautiful and full. I still can't imagine really being mad at you. I'm sure that day will come, but the feelings won't last long. They surely won't last beyond the flash of your beautiful smile and the sparkle of those big blue eyes.

Whatever it is you will do that will make me so frustrated or scared or angry, I forgive you. It is only because I love you so much that I want you to be happy and safe. That's not always possible, but I want to protect you. Forgive me for the times when I think I know what's best and I'm wrong, I'll come around.

You have a strong, independent, determined spirit. I hope I can teach you to trust your instincts to act on that. You have a tender, open, loving heart. I hope I can encourage you to continue to nurture and accept and love all the people and creatures you meet.

I love you Van. This Mother's Day I dedicate to you, and all you have helped me become and cherish during your short stay in my life. I hope we have many more Mother's Days to share.

Good Eater

Yesterday when you had your snack of peaches and pears you had one big chunk in your right hand and one big chunk in you left hand, so you leaned right over and slurped a big chunk right off the table. It seems like you subscribe to the theory "the faster the better".

Yummy.

Stolen Moment

So I know I have been writing a lot about your sleeping lately. Forgive me.

This morning you were fussy, and I was a little on edge. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the rain that won't let up. Maybe it's the family descending starting tomorrow__something I'm extremely happy for, but I'm just feeling a bit of the crunch.

A few moments ago, I stopped my cleaning and preparing and went in to check on you. Your usual talking had turned to crying instead of to sleep. The minute I walked into your room you started to bounce and laugh. Even in the darkness I could see your excitement. I picked you up and I took you to our chair. I put you on my lap and you laid your little head on my shoulder and I sang to you and you drifted off to sleep.

I held you longer than I needed to. I kissed your balmy little forehead. I stroked your golden hair. I rocked slowly back and forth, back and forth. And then I laid you in your bed and you settled in with a contented wiggle. I looked at you and I thought,"This is my life. I am your mama and you are mine."

I'm glad. It's a good life.